Thursday, December 6, 2012

Bacteria is nobody's friend

I was going to write a great post about all kinds of hilarious and poignant stuff [no, seriously, I was].

And then . . .

last night, I got everything ready for work and my day, such as:
  • Make my lunch
  • Set out my clothes
  • Prep dinner for the next couple of days [I put a GIANT roast in the crock pot]
because I had to be at work early for a meeting and would be gone until after my flute lesson [YES, I AM AWESOME] later that night.

I woke up thinking it was Thursday, and it was Wednesday, which was kind of a pisser. I got dinner going in the crock pot and got ready and headed out.

I managed to persevere and get through my day, despite it being Wednesday, with only minor issues like running a red light I was stopped at [I swear it had turned green, no matter what the left turn guy who almost hit me says] and my hair exploding because the Roseanna Roseannadanna look is highly professional and why not?

I get home, at which point I am STARVING, having spent the day dreaming of yummy pot roast.

Only to realize that I didn't turn on the crock pot to cook.

Yup.  Giant Costco sized roast sat on the counter all in day in a crock pot at the temperature of Keep Warm.  

Hoping against hope, I looked online to see if I could salvage it and was met with the words




There are going to be some fucking happy-ass suburban varmints in our neighborhood.


  1. Ugh, ugh, ugh. Serious bummer. Maybe you should have tried taking it back to Costco. They take back EVERYTHING. My hubs, the violent sleeper, tore a rip in our fine Costco sheets, once. He pulled them off the bed without washing them and returned them. They were 3 years old.

    I could see you in there, plunking that big old roast on the counter, juices splattering everywhere.

    I did it one time, myself. I bought some beautiful, beautiful meats at our Italian deli. Cost me a hunk of change, but I knew it would be worth it. Wouldn't you know, I left my veal chops and my tenderloin in the car. Overnight. In the Florida heat. No one saw the bag bc it had slipped behind my gym bag. Oy! What a tragedy.

    Hope you made up for it with some delicious fast food.

  2. Suni, have I told you about the turkey I found that was defrosting? 3 days later, in the dish cabinet? That plastic casing was ballooned up like a pan of jiffy pop.


  3. Oh honey. That is THE WORST! I'm so sorry. Fucking bacteria.

    At least you have the ability to play the flute. So there's that. (OMG! How did I not know you take flute lessons?! Wait, is that code?)

  4. Oh, bullshit.

    Yeah, there is no way to salvage it, but that's bullshit.


    And I don't know if I knew that you were taking flute lessons. I own several flutes, but I'm only good with the skin flute.

    1. I knew, just knew somebody was going to make a skin flute joke.

  5. I left a bag of frozen diners in my car & found them 2 days later. Yummy ones too. I've had my share of food posioning, not taking any more chances. I do eat expired yogurt though. WHEN IN DOUBT, THROW IT OUT!

  6. Oh poor poor thing. It's the worst when you expect to come home to good smells and you come home to fauna.

  7. Oh booooo! That is unfortunate.

  8. Oh shit.
    I need to figure out the slow cooker thing. Having dinner made when I get home? The thought alone could send me into orgasm. Unless, of course, I set it wrong. Opposite of orgasm.


Every time you comment, I get a lady boner.